Official Promotion Announcement

MIKE CHEN
PROMOTED

From Associate to Manager. The desk is slightly bigger.
The ego is significantly bigger.

Official Communication
The Promotion Memo
This was distributed company-wide. Mike definitely didn't ask HR to send it.
Synergy Solutions Inc. — Internal Memorandum
Confidential
From: Human Resources Department
To: All Staff
Date: February 1, 2026
Re: Promotion of Mike Chen to Marketing Manager (he already told everyone, but this makes it official)

It is with great pleasure that we announce the promotion of Michael "Mike" Chen from Marketing Associate to Marketing Manager, effective immediately.

This decision was made after careful consideration and approximately 47 PowerPoint presentations from Mike about why he deserved it. The final presentation, titled "The ROI of Promoting Mike Chen: A Data-Driven Approach (With Inspirational Quotes)," was 62 slides long and included a SWOT analysis of his own personality.

Mike brings to his new role four years of dedication, an impressive ability to CC himself on emails he was not originally included in, and an unmatched talent for arriving exactly five minutes before his manager and leaving exactly five minutes after.

Please join us in congratulating Mike. He will be easy to find — he's the one in the new blazer.

Mike's new responsibilities include managing the marketing team, mentoring junior staff, and figuring out what "synergize" actually means.

APPROVED
This memo was generated by HR at Mike's request. He drafted it himself and asked us to "just put it on letterhead." We did not change a word. We didn't have the heart.
Essential Equipment
The Manager Starter Pack
Everything Mike acquired within 72 hours of the promotion.
Day 1
METAL

The Blazer

Worn over a Metallica t-shirt. Purchased at Zara. Worn 4 days/week. Dry cleaning: never.

Day 1
M.C.

The Leather Portfolio

Contents: absolutely nothing. Carried to every meeting. Opened once by accident. Closed immediately.

Daily
OAT

The Oat Milk Latte

Because he read it's what executives drink. Orders it with "just a splash" of oat. It's all oat.

Unused
5 min

The Standing Desk

Stands for 5 minutes. Sits for 7 hours. Tells everyone about the health benefits.

Approved
XLSFF

The Second Monitor

Requested "for productivity." One monitor: spreadsheet. Other monitor: fantasy football. IT knows.

30 sec

The LinkedIn Update

Updated within 30 seconds. Before telling his mom. Before telling anyone. Priorities.

8 Lines

The Email Signature

3 phone numbers, a headshot, an inspirational quote, and "Marketing Manager" in bold italic.

Fluent
SYNERGYnoun, maybe

Corporate Vocabulary

"Circle back." "Synergize." "Low-hanging fruit." He uses them all. He understands none.

Decoder Ring
Manager Speak Translator
What Mike says vs. what Mike actually means. A public service announcement.
Let's circle back on this
→
I forgot what we were talking about
From a strategic standpoint
→
I have no data to support this
Let's take this offline
→
I don't want to discuss this where people can hear
I'll loop in the team
→
I'll CC everyone so it's not just my problem
Per my last email
→
I already told you this. Read your inbox.
Let's schedule a sync
→
I want a coffee chat but need it on the calendar
In my capacity as manager
→
I just like saying this
Performance Review
Manager Readiness Assessment
Official HR evaluation. Results may not reflect actual competence.

Leadership

40/100
Has read one leadership book. Quotes it constantly. The book was "Who Moved My Cheese?" He still doesn't know who moved it.

PowerPoint Skills

98/100
Created a PowerPoint to ask for a dog. It had 24 slides, a competitive analysis of breeds, and a 5-year cost projection. He got the dog.

Email Etiquette

15/100
CC's himself on emails. Reply-all's unnecessarily. His signature is 8 lines long, includes a headshot, and ends with "Sent from my desk (the bigger one)."

Blazer Game

55/100
Owns exactly 1 blazer. Wears it 4 days a week. Over a Metallica t-shirt. The fifth day it's at the dry cleaner's. (It's not. It's on his chair.)

Mentoring

20/100
Tyler the intern lives in constant fear. Their "mentorship circles" are mandatory Starbucks sessions where Tyler takes notes on Mike's career philosophy.

Confidence

100/100
Unearned. Unwavering. Unstoppable. Changed his phone lock screen to a photo of his new business card. Practices his "manager nod" in the mirror.
What People Are Saying
Testimonials
Gathered voluntarily. (Mike may have asked more than once.)
“
I promoted Mike because he's talented and hardworking. Also because I was on slide 47 of his 'Why I Deserve This Promotion' presentation and I needed it to stop. The slide transitions alone were... ambitious. There were sound effects, Rachel. Sound effects.
R
Rachel Kim
VP of Marketing (Mike's boss, enabler)
“
Mike texted me "I'm a manager now" at 9:01 AM. His LinkedIn was updated by 9:02 AM. He told his mom at 9:03 AM. The man has priorities. He also asked me to endorse him for "Leadership" on LinkedIn. I endorsed him for "Blazer Wearing" instead.
P
Priya Sharma
Senior Designer (work bestie, professional roaster)
“
Mike called our first meeting a "mentorship circle." It was just us. At Starbucks. He made me take notes. On a napkin. The notes say: "Be a leader. Drink oat milk. Update LinkedIn daily." I'm updating my resume.
T
Tyler Morrison
Marketing Intern (mentee, hostage)
“
I don't understand what "marketing manager" means but I told everyone at book club. They're all very impressed. I think. Janet said her son is a doctor though, so I'm not sure I won that round. But I'm very proud. Is he eating enough?
S
Susan Chen
Mike's Mom (confused but proud)
“
I was purchased at Zara. I was meant for a different life. Perhaps a gallery opening, or a first date at a nice restaurant. Instead, I live at Synergy Solutions, draped over a Metallica t-shirt, attending meetings about Q3 engagement metrics. This is fine.
B
The Blazer
Outerwear (existential crisis, Zara Fall 2025)
“
UPDATED. OPTIMIZED. NETWORKED. READY TO SYNERGIZE. New title loaded. Headshot refreshed. Summary revised 14 times. Currently accepting endorsements for: Strategic Vision, Thought Leadership, and Standing Desk Usage. #blessed #manager #leadership #hustle
in
Mike's LinkedIn Profile
Social Media Presence (overoptimized)
By The Numbers
Mike's Promotion Stats
The data doesn't lie. (The data is also slightly concerning.)
0
Years at
Synergy Solutions
0
"Promotion Proposal"
Slides Created
0
Blazer
Owned
0
Seconds to Update
LinkedIn
0
Podcast
Subscribers
0
Minutes/Day
Standing at Desk
0
Items in
Leather Portfolio
∞
"Let's Circle Back"
Per Week

Congratulations, Mike.

You may not know what "synergize" means yet, but you'll figure it out. Probably.

The blazer suits you. (The Metallica tee, less so.)

Your leather portfolio is still empty, your podcast still has 11 subscribers, and Tyler the intern still hasn't recovered from the mentorship circle.

But you're a manager now. And nothing can take that away from you.
Except maybe a re-org. But let's circle back on that.

LINKEDIN MODE ACTIVATED
MC
Mike Chen
Marketing Manager at Synergy Solutions Inc. | Thought Leader | Blazer Enthusiast | Host of Synergy Talks Podcast (11 subscribers and counting)
San Francisco Bay Area · 500+ connections
47 people congratulated you on your new position!

Skills & Endorsements

PowerPoint
99+ endorsements
Synergy
47 endorsements
Blazer Wearing
23 endorsements
Circling Back
18 endorsements
Oat Milk Expertise
11 endorsements
Standing Desk (Beginner)
3 endorsements
Mike Chen is now a LinkedIn Top Voice in "Having a Blazer"